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Familiar Town



There’s a journey that I find myself on, more often than not. I say a journey, but that would suggest I’m going from one place to another. This feels much more like driving around the same streets, of the same town. Crossing the same bridge and waiting at the same set of lights. Sometimes the lights are on green and I pass through without hitting any traffic. Other times there’s a whole lot to work through before I feel as though I’m getting somewhere, and sometimes, only sometimes, I’m at a complete stand still. No matter how many times I’ve got in the car, put the key in the ignition and driven off, sometimes I feel as though I’ve never driven before. Have you ever said the same word over and over again until it no longer sounds familiar, no longer makes sense. That can be this journey. As well as I know myself, I sometimes feel like I don’t know myself at all. I can feel very lost in familiar places, places I visit time and time again but I’m yet to understand. The shops in these streets, they change. The leaves on the trees, they fall. The people come and go. The one thing that’s always there is me. When there’s a lot of traffic, I will often let others out before me because what’s one more car hey. If someones broken down and at a complete standstill I’ll likely offer them a lift home. What I sometimes forget is that this won’t get me to where I need to be. All of that expended energy may have been better spent on myself. It’s hard to be selfish. It’s not an innate trait many people possess. It’s even harder to put yourself first. Like I said, a journey that I am on continually. What I’ve figured out is that, if you want to get out of the same town where you keep hitting the same traffic, you have to put yourself first. Don’t get me wrong, it feels so unnatural. Not to mention it being so much easier to help others rather than yourself. The thing is, if you never put yourself first you’ll come to believe you shouldn’t be put first. You’ll begin to think that you don’t deserve more and you’ll keep driving around the same unfamiliar town with the different familiar people. Until you understand your worth, nobody else will.

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